in the deep - BENJAMIN -

[ASHTON COLE JOHNSON]

Ashton was leery. He didnt want to admit that he might want to learn how to surf. He didnt want to be vulnerable to some strange guy and needing to be 'taught' makes him feel vulnerable. Besides it was the ocean. What if he got stung by a jelly fish, or like hed gone on to ben before, what if he fell off and got washed away taken out far from the land, or hit his head on coral and die. Death wasnt exactly something he feared but it wasnt something he was trying to run into.

Ashton rubbed the back of his neck looking down at his jeans and black t-shirt. he really didnt want to wear trunks. He was way to white and too skinny, but he just couldnt stand to have wet jeans. They were the most uncomfortable peice of clothing when it was wet. He would settle with trunks though and maybe keep his shirt on. he could handle that. What he wasnt sure how he was going to handle was the time with Benjamin. Ashton was the epitome of socially stunted. he didnt know how to interact with people other then being sarcastic, pulling out any information he can get, and pointing out flaws. all his growing up was focused on what people did wrong, what he did wrong. He hasnt realized yet just how much his upbringing has influenced the way he was today.

Ashton didnt like to think he had any kind of his parents in him, though there were times when he knew that he was just like his father or just like his mother. He saw this in the moments when he got so angry and needed to hurt, in the times when he had no reason but said just the right stuff to hit people just right. He saw it when he scrubbed his hands at the sink or his body in the shower. When he came up with all these negative reasons as to why he or someone else shouldnt or couldnt do something. He saw it when he suspected anything and everything around him from being a lot more then what they put out. Ashton hated it. absolutely hated any kind of influence his parents had on him. He wished they had never been around him.

Ashton wasnt too thrilled about shopping. He hated shopping, but he didnt plan on leaving it up to Benjamin, nor would he allow him to get his trunks for him. He wasnt like that. He wasnt sure why Benjamin was so pushy about getting him out. bottled up? Afraid? He scowled at that. He talked like he knew that part of ashton. well.. he didnt. his brows furrowed again. He would have kept pushing him away, saying no, bu then he got all demanding and forceful and for some reason ashton found himself giving into the guy.

Besides how bad could it really be? Plus.. they were just going to the sandbar.... in a kayak. Ashton closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. He just had to not think about the rest of it.

As ashton made his way down to the market he let his mind wonder again. All he ever wanted was conversation really, but it was hard to find. Either they didnt talk or they talked to much or.. hell he didnt know. It just didnt work out. He had never planned to hang out with anyone outside of class, he wondered how long they would be before one of them just couldnt take itany longer.

Ashton was glad that it didnt take long to spot Benjamin. He licked his lips glancing around before closing the distance between the two, well save for a few feet. .. hey. he said so hed know he was there, not that Ben didnt know what he looked like or anything. He really hoped this shopping thing didnt turn out to be awful. He just kind of wanted to grab the first pair that fit and head to the sand bar. so.. um.. wheres this.. store then? he asked. are you getting anything, or.. is this just for my trunks? he asked arms still crossed over his chest as he waited for bens response.

[BENJAMIN ISAIAH BECKETT]

it's been a really really messed up week ,

TAGGED; ASHTON WORDS; 0563 LYRICS; HOT CHELLE RAE

The week had been much too long for Ben. It seemed as if each week just became more of a nightmare for him. Benjamin embraced (for the most part) his role at Griffin. He never complained about being at the school other than occasionally mentioning that he didn't like the idea of being trained to kill. Being able to convince Ashton to kayak out to the sandbar with him was probably the most amazing thing to happen to him in his week. Usually Ben's funk would last only a couple of days, but lately he had been reminded of the past over and over again. He had thought extra training would whip it out of him, but that only ran him ragged until he just couldn't take it. There Ben sat, staring at his computer and wishing that Ashton would just shut up and do what he wanted. When the straw finally broke, Ben was surprised to see that a little force was all that was needed.

Ben was dressed and ready in a matter of minutes. He wore his own swim trunks, which were solid black and a white Ramone's shirt to go with it. Benjamin told himself that he wasn't going to take too long to get ready, but he just had to check on his hair and make sure that his breath didn't smell terrible. The good thing about Griffin was that there was a beach nearby. Benjamin headed straight to his meeting place, glad to see that Ashton was already there waiting. Hey, Ashton. Ben replied as he placed his hands on his hips. The shopping is for your trunks. Can you swim well or do you want a life jacket? He asked as he began to walk in the direction of the store, expecting Ashton to keep up with him or at least follow him.

Lucky for Ben the store wasn't too far down. It was a small surf shop that would be perfect for finding the best pair of trunks for his companion. Ben held the door open long enough for Ashton to enter before letting it go and moving directly toward the swimwear area. Hmmm.... you would totally look good in black, but I could absolutely see you in green... like a dark green, would absolutely bring out your eyes. Ben hmm'd as he picked up a pair of trunks. Then again... black is slimming and let's face it, you're a total rail Ben quickly put the black ones back and pulled down a pair of forest green trunks. He held them up, comparing the color to Ashton's skin tone. Thankfully it was a match. What size are you anyway? Like a double zero or what? He was joking and his tone would imply that for sure.

Anyway, you need to look for your size in this pair right here. Ben said with a shrug. It's really the best pair for you. People won't be able to stop looking at you. Benjamin looked to the floor, cursing the fact that he had told Ashton that he wasn't like a chick when he shopped. He hoped that he would be able to play off the fact that it was just... a force of habit or that he hadn't really been that way.

TEMPLATE CREATED BY; BROOKE

seven days of torture seven days of bitter

[ASHTON COLE JOHNSON]

Ashton wondered if ben was even going to show up. Honestly he wouldnt be surprised. Ashton didnt hang out with people, he didnt have friends. He hadnt been the nicest to ben, so ben wanting to get him out and stuff just.. it was weird. He didnt know what ben was getting out of this or what he wanted, but Ashton would find out. If, of course, this actually happened. Maybe ben had been trying to get him to agree so he could just ditch him and then make fun of him for it later. he wasnt sure what ben would have to gain by that, but people did some weird stuff just for the hell of it.

Ashton didnt need to dwell long on those thoughts though, because then he heard his name and his attention was drawn towards it and the person it belonged to. Benjamin. he said. though once the greet was in it felt like a whirlwind after that. He nodded I can hold my own. Im not olympic swimmer though.he replied dryly taking in bens black trunks and the shirt he wore with it. Goddamn but he really didnt like feeling like some weak little shit. He was about ready to tell ben to fuck it and just give him a damn board if it would get him off this kick that he was on with him about treating him like some little three year old.

He turned following Ben as he moved into the store. I do swim. he added slightly. Ashton knew how to swim and actually liked swimming, it was just all the possibilities that could happen where the ocean was concerned. Ashton knew it seemed like he was afraid of the ocean but to him he wasnt. He wasnt afraid of anything if you were to ask him, he just let all these scenarios pick their way into his brain and cause him to keep from enjoying things.

Ashtons followed him back to the trunks his eyes wondering over them as Ben started going on and on about the colors that hed look good in. When he said something about green and bringing out his eyes he looked up sharply at him. Oh hell no. Ben had assured him he was not a chick shopper, but as ben rattled on about it, Ashton knew that was a lie. He scowled crossing his arms as Ben went on to say that black wouldnt be good because it was slimming and he already looked like a rail. Ashton liked to pretend he didnt care about his looks, but he was a little sensative about them. Mostly his weight at the fact he looked like a twelve year old boy.

His lips pressed together tighter when he joked about his size. Ashton rolled his eyes moving over to the dark green shorts that Ben seemed to be having an field day with and grabbed his size. There.. he said. Now my eyes can pop.. his tone heavily sarcastic, or at least as best as his montone would allow. He wasnt sure how it was going to bring out his eyes when they were goin to be on his bottom half and not his top half. Once they paid and headed out Ashton looked over at him and shook his head. Not a chick shopper huh? he said. My those shorts look good ont you, totally slim you down and lets face it. youve got an ass that would go perfect on a sir mix a lot video. PLus people will not be able to stop staring at you. he quirked a brow and smirked at him.

Ashton turned towards him some not really sure where they had to go for his kayak or whatever. Are we taking boards there? he asked. I mean.. i know theres no waves but you said.. i mean and then with boards you .. i mean.. paddling.. or something... he let it trail off as he rubbed the back of his neck feeling like a moron. what the fuck was he saying?

[BENJAMIN ISAIAH BECKETT]

it's been a really really messed up week ,

TAGGED; ASHTON WORDS; 0554 LYRICS; HOT CHELLE RAE

When Ashton said he could hold his own, but he wasn't an Olympic swimmer, Benjamin raised a brow. Sometimes he didn't know hot to take Ashton, and this was one of those moments. Ashton acted like he was absolutely terrified of everything and just covered it up saying he was just "thinking of possibilities." The whole "thinking of possibilities" thing was what got most people hurt in the first place. Ben would have to think to try and drive that out of him. The last thing Ben wanted was for Ashton to get hurt just because he was overly paranoid about something happening. Ben could tell that Ashton got a little annoyed with him at some points, but he chose to ignore those moments and keep on moving. That was the best he could do for Ashton at the moment.

Benjamin was almost ashamed of what he became when he shopped. He could tell by the look on Ashton's face that he had definitely noticed that Ben had fibbed a little when he said he wasn't like a girl when he shopped. Ben sighed at Ashton's "eye-popping" comment. You should be glad they had something to fit your complexion at all. He said, his tone taking a turn for the serious side. When Ashton began to mock him, Benjamin looked away. I don't know what you're talking about. He said, just glad to be out of the store. Benjamin tried not to focus on the fact that Ashton had completely called him out for girl-shopping. It wasn't fair. Ben just couldn't help how he seemed to be at some points. Most of the time he had only gone shopping with his wife, and of course she wouldn't tell him if he shopped like a girl.

We're taking only one board, and it's for you. Benjamin said finally. You won't be doing any actual surfing, just getting used to being on a board in the water. Benjamin walked out toward the dock area. That was the only place he knew there was a boat ramp, so that was where he kept his kayak and surf board. When we get in the kayak, I need you to pay attention. Don't get paranoid about tipping over, because that's sure to get us to tip over. Ben was no longer speaking with concern. His voice had turned to a more instructional tone. As soon as the two of them reached the boat ramp, Ben pulled out the kayak and pushed it up to the water.

You get in the front, I'll be doing the steering in the back. He said. Step in carefully, don't lean too far to the right or left. It's best that you don't lean at all. Use small careful strokes to get us moving and don't make any sudden shifts or movements. Just use each side of the paddle to stoke against the water. Benjamin really hoped that Ashton wouldn't freak out, and if he did, that it wouldn't be bad enough to capsize them. Ben leveled the surf board in front of him while he situated himself in the back of the kayak, getting in position with his oar.

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seven days of torture seven days of bitter

[ASHTON COLE JOHNSON]

Ashtons brows furrowed a bit. " I... Don't particularly care if it fits my complexion or not.." he said. " I'm not trying to impress anyone." Then for some reasons some of what he said sunk in " is.. um.. I mean how many people are going to be on the sandbar?" He asked. He had said people wouldn't he able to stop looking ay him and then the other comment. He was somehow thinking the sandbar was secluded. Why would he have to think anybody was there. Besides Benjamin had to check his eyes if he thought trunks in the right Color would get people to look at him. People barely looked at him when he had clothes on. Then to take them off so his freaky skinniness and ling bony limbs could he even more pronounced.... Yeah that would do the exact opposite of attracting people.

Ashton rolled his eyes when Ben denied anything about him shopping like he had. Ashton blinked when he said they were only taking one board out. "What?... But I mean.. aren't you supposed to be like.. I mean. So I'm going to be the knot one doing anything?" He asked his lips pressing into a flat line. Well that wasn't fair. He didn't want to be the only one doing this even if it was just sitting on a board and what not. He held the bag in one hand crossing his arms and opened his mouth to protest bit they were already moving onto the subject of the kayak. He scowled some when he told him not to get paranoid that it would cause them to tip over. " I'm not paranoid. I'll be perfectly fine. It doesn't take rocket science to get into a boat." He replied his tone amost bored sounding.

Ashton moved onto the kayak. He nodded almost as if someone who was saying yeah yeah yeah while being told something to do. He brushed him off some as he stepped into the kayak doing as he'd been told. Once he was in the front he balled the shopping bag up and stuffed it between his legs. " there.. see. I'm not as pathetic as you think" he food him. Ashton didn't like showing weakness even if he wasn't feeling as sure of himself as he was putting out there. The thing was his high was wearing off so he wasn't as vulnerable as he came across when he had talked to him before. The bad thing about Ashton being high or drunk was he let too much out. He. Was different with each thing. He was glad he hadn't just smoked because he was sure he would have been a total moron throughout this thing and that just wouldn't do.

[BENJAMIN ISAIAH BECKETT]

it's been a really really messed up week ,

TAGGED; ASHTON WORDS; 0648 LYRICS; HOT CHELLE RAE

It really irked Ben that Ashton was acting like he already knew everything. Ben,for one, did not want to end up flipped in the water because Ashton was too prideful to admit that he needed instruction on how to kayak. He grew quiet as he watched Ashton get into the boat. Ben decided he wasn't going to say a damn thing until he had to. Considering Benjamin didn't HAVE to be doing this, didn't HAVE to be giving Ashton something to do---Ashton seemed pretty ungrateful. Benjamin silently pushed off in the kayak, holding the board steady in front of him with his knees as he paddled. Ben wasn't going to tell Ashton when to paddle or how to paddle. He wasn't going to tell him to watch for the direction of the water to see if they were going to hit something and he wasn't going to give any encouragement.

Ben steered the kayak in the direction of the sandbar by paddling several different strokes on one side of the boat. He then leveled his paddling on both sides again to keep them at a steady pace. Benjamin pressed his lips together. The sandbar was about three minutes out. It could be seen front the road even. Ben knew there might be a few people out there sunbathing or just lazing about in their beach chairs, but he didn't think that would be a problem. For the most part the sandbar was secluded. Ashton's side of the boat pulled up directly onto the sandbar, halting the boat from going any further. Ben sighed, taking his shirt off and letting it fall between his legs. Whereas Ashton could get out on the bar, Ben would have to get out in the deeper ocean water. Ben expertly exited the kayak and used the surfboard as a flotation device to reach the sandbar.

Before Ben even looked at Ashton he found the weight attached to the kayak that was going to keep the kayak at the sandbar. Benjamin put the surf board down so that it stood up with the tail end stuck down into the sand. The sandbar was by far one of the most beautiful places on the island. The water that surrounded it was bright blue and the sand kind of looked like a hidden jewel underneath the film of salt water that covered it. Finally, Ben looked to Ashton, Change into your trunks. No one's here to peek and I'll be turning away. Benjamin didn't say another word to Ashton as he turned his back to him, tracing the design on his surfboard with his fingertips.

Jessica had been the one to give him his surfboard. She complained once that he needed another one because his old one had a crack in the middle. Every time Ben went to catch a wave it would split a little more. His wife had been worried that it might split while he was on a large wave and cause him to get hurt. Even after the new board was bought, Ben had wanted to keep using his old one until it gave out. Eventually, Ben was on a seven foot wave and his board completely split. Ben fell along with his board and he ended up landing in a position which caused his ankle to hit the board. That was the first time Ben had ever broken a bone. Now he seemed to break one every year since then, not always because of surfing.

Tell me when you're ready. Benjamin said as he waved his hand in the air. Benjamin felt like he could get along with anyone if they gave him the chance and though Ben knew that Ashton was a bit sarcastic and rough-- he knew that he could absolutely tolerate Ashton's actions.

TEMPLATE CREATED BY; BROOKE

seven days of torture seven days of bitter

[ASHTON COLE JOHNSON]

It wasnt that he didnt want to be told how to kayak he just didnt like being told how to get into the kayak. He figured that was pretty self explanatory. It seemed though he had rubbed ben the wrong way because he didnt tell him anything more after that. Ashton pressed his lips together but said nothing. He wouldnt ask then. He grabbed a hold of one of the paddles, waiting for ben to get in and get situated. It couldnt be too hard. He replayed what Ben had told him about paddling. He could do that, after all Ben was the one that said he would do the bigger part of it, steering and such.

It didnt take long for them to get to the sandbar and he had to give ben props for being able to paddle them. It wasnt as easy as it looked. Ashton had figured pushing a boat wouldnt need as much strength as he needed to put on the paddle because the water kept wanting to take it. He wasnt a weakling but Ashton didnt like exercising. Other then what went on in class of course the most exercise he used to get back home is when he was trying to get back and forth as quickly as he could or the occasional fights hed get into. He coudl definitely hold his own which considering his size people tended to not see that coming. The thing was anger was always behind him when he fought and that gave him enough adrenaline to kick whatever ass he needed to. Paddling did not require anger, at least well he knew if he had been pissed he could have done it no problem. He wasnt pissed though, his body was still feeling the affects of the joint he had smoked so it was fairly relaxed, kind of sluggish and maybe that was making it more difficult then it should have been as well. Ashton didnt say anything though and he hoped it didnt look as though he was being pathetic at paddling. He liked to think he managed to pull it off fairly well.

Once the kayak came up onto the sandbar, ashton kept himself as balanced as he could as he stepped out of the kayak pulling his bag out from his seat. He looked over to Ben as he pulled his shirt off and did what he needed to get onto the bar. Ashton glanced around the sandbar, it was definitely something and after all the years hed been there he was surprised he had not gone venturing out to this place. It kind of irked him a bit, he could have really used this place ... a lot. Well now he did know about it and he could make use of it. The only question was.. how many other people knew about this place.

It looked as though no one else was out there at the moment and Ashton was glad for that. His attention was brought back to ben when ben finished weighting the boat down, having propped the surf board up in the sand. Honestly this place was absolutely gorgeous. Ashton really liked the feel it gave him and just.. every thing about it. Bens voice brought him back and he looked up at him with widened eyes. Change? He should have thought about that. Should have changed before they even left. He blinked looking down a his bag that held his new trunks. He hated how slow his brain got when he smoked. Even if it was practically wore off by now, it was the affter affects that were getting to him. mm. he looked at the board. actually.. can you just.. like go on the other side of the board and ill ... change on this side of it. he said. He figured this way in case anyone was passing by or something they wouldnt see him. He fidgeted some and waited until ben turned to the other side before pulling his shoes off and then undoing his belt and pants and pulling them off leaving only his shirt and boxers on.

Ashton pulled the trunks out taking off all the necessary tags before finally pulling off his boxers and pulling his trunks on. Alright. he told him as he started to fold up his clothes nicely and placed them back into the bag,tying it and moving over to place it back in the kayak. He turned back to him. Alright. now whats next? he asked.

[BENJAMIN ISAIAH BECKETT]

it's been a really really messed up week ,

TAGGED; ASHTON WORDS; 0646 LYRICS; HOT CHELLE RAE

There were only a few times that Ben had to do his best to keep the kayak from tipping. Two-person kayaking was a team thing. If the two didn’t work together, then the balance would be off. Ben found his job in the back to be harder than necessary. It didn’t bother him so much, except for the fact that he had tried to explain to Ashton. Ben didn’t like being brushed off, and he hated that someone who had never kayaked thought he knew more than him. Still, Ben was able to roll with the punches. He found it best, when agitated, to let it ride silently. There wouldn’t be any use in saying anything to Ashton anyway. It wasn’t like Ashton would actually hear him out.

After pushing the kayak on the sandbar, Benjamin felt like maybe he could start to change this little situation. The air was crisp and the water was just the right temperature. Ben wanted so badly to crawl out on his surfboard, but this day was for Ashton. He didn’t want to take Ashton out on real waves before getting Ashton used to sitting on and maneuvering a board. Something about this situation made Ben nervous. He was finally beginning to make some friends, and he liked that… but at the same time it sucked. Ben didn’t want to be responsible for letting anyone else down, which was exactly what would happen. Confidence was something that Benjamin Beckett did not come by easily since the death of his daughter. Ben didn’t cut himself any slack. To be honest, he really didn’t expect anyone to cut him slack. Ben pushed through life at a speed that was right for him, and though he sometimes missed out on opportunities, he felt like the opportunities presented at Griffin were opportunities that would make or break him.

When Ashton asked for Ben to stand on the other side of the board he rolled his eyes. Ben didn’t see why it was such a big deal, but then again, Ashton had a lot of quirks that Ben didn’t quite understand. He waited on the other side of the board for the okay from Ashton. Ben wondered if Ashton was really ready for surfing. The reason Ben wanted to start Ashton off small was because he was afraid Ashton would get paranoid too quickly with actual waves. Paranoia was the worst thing to have while surfing. Sure, it was reasonable to be afraid of some things, but to be paranoid would mean a thousand wipe outs and a bad headache in the morning. Headaches in the morning that weren’t caused by alcohol just weren’t welcomed. Ben licked his lips, wondering exactly where to start Ashton out at. He pried the board loose from the sand and held it up in his arms.

“Ashton, this board is going to be an extension of you for the rest of our time out here.” Ben said finally. “Think of it as a part of you that you would die without.” He shrugged “I know it sounds dramatic, but you have to want to stay on the board. It’s very important that you understand how badly you need to want that.” Ben lay the board down on the thin strip of water. “I want you to stand on it. You may fall the first couple of times, but that’s okay. You’ll land on sand and there’s nothing around to hurt you.” Hopefully this time Ashton would take his advice without acting like a complete child. “Figuring out how you need to balance is one of the most important parts of surfing. If you and the board can’t work together, then you can’t surf. It’s really simple as that.”

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seven days of torture seven days of bitter